Cheers to contraception – where would we be without our fragrant rubbers, teeny pills and stringy IUDs? But why snap on a condom when you can just skip the sex altogether? With a little help from these 15 tweets, it could be easier than you think.


The sound of the recorder has been described as sweet as the sound of nightingales. In the hands of a school kid, it can also sound like your chance at sex being strangled to death.


One glance at these is enough to make you question your moves that got you as far as a baby shower.


If you can’t love yourself, how can you expect to love a pooping, crying, puking machine that promises to bring hours of tortured joy?


If you’re ever unsure whether to have kids, get a job at a daycare centre.


If Crocs were a person, it would be Howard from The Big Bang Theory.


To be fair, Sambuca breath coupled with a whiff of eau de cat litter can have a certain sex appeal if your love nest is in a back alley. 


“If what you’re looking for in a girl is personality then swipe right, because I have multiple.”


To quote a review by The Guardian – ‘One Direction’s Mr Boring lets his inner sexual piranha loose – with frightening results.’


If you’re ever unsure whether to have kids and there are no vacancies at the daycare, get a job as a nanny.


Guys, it’s a natural spermicide, really.


At least there’s a quick escape at hand.


Alternatively, you can sit on your hand long enough for it to stay numb for more than 2 minutes.


Or 5 cats. That works too.


Pair it with crocs and your fate is sealed.


Who needs a condom when you are the condom?