There’s no point in having a lot of friends. Personally, I actively choose to have few friends in my life.
Let me explain.
Of course, on one hand, I am quite the grumpy introvert. I find socialising to be more of a chore than a joy. I would rather curl up in bed with a good book and tea than to force myself to go out and meet new people.
Yes, I’m selling myself quite well here. Anyway, even as I am now, there used to be a time that I wanted to be popular and have a lot of friends. It was a time when I was deceived by high school-based movies and thought the goal of life was to be liked by everyone and be a cool social queen bee.
What can I say? I was young once, too.
It was only later in life that I started to question why I had these goals. Why would other people’s validation and them liking me be important to me? Sure, in the grand scheme of things I would rather not be hated if I can, but it is not like I liked everyone I met in life either.
Once I found myself thinking that way, I decided to focus only on having a few good friends instead. Luckily for me, this strategy has paid out. Here’s 5 reasons why having few friends has been better for me:
1) There is less drama in my life
I know quite a variety of people from different stages in life. In my head, I clearly distinguish them into close friends, friends, and acquaintance categories. Most people fall in the last category – my life remains unchanged whether they remain or leave.
I choose to dedicate most of my time to my close friends. I rather talk to the same few people daily, rather than indulge in random conversations with different people across the board.
This method has allowed me to cut out a lot of drama and toxicity from my life. After all, I am unlikely to want people that do not add any positive value to life as my close friends.
I purposefully and clearly draw boundaries by stepping away and ignoring them when I meet such people. I have enough of my own problems without adding more, and this approach to friendship has made life more peaceful.
2) I genuinely like the friends I allow in my life, and vice-versa
Due to being strict about who I give my time and effort to, I genuinely like the people I choose to talk to and meet daily. As I am an introvert, my social battery gets drained fast if I am in the presence of most people.
However, being with my close friends helps me feel relaxed instead. They are also understanding if I retreat from time to time to focus on myself.
I have friendships that are a decade old and more. It has been great to grow from one life stage to the other together, and still want to include each other in our lives.
3) I can trust and rely on the people I consider friends
The perks of being selective about who you let into your inner circle is also knowing that you can trust these people with your secrets and deepest darkest thoughts. They are not going to turn around and share it with other random people.
Additionally, being that we are all responsible types, I know that I can ask them for help should I need it. I know that they will pull through to the best of their abilities.
4) I have more meaningful conversations and interactions
I find small talk excruciating, and even more so when I’m forced into conversations with people I do not know. Some people focus on idle chatter, but even idle chatter is better than people who think they can ask personal and sensitive questions right off the bat.
I would much rather talk to close friends about the future, discuss theories and ideas, gush over pop culture we like and podcasts we listen to together, and so on. The conversations that one can only have when they are great friends are much preferable to me.
5) I am comfortable by myself, with or without friends
Finally, one of the reasons that I have few friends by choice is that I have grown away from the mentality that I need other people to fill gaps in my life. I enjoy going out by myself, sitting in cafes by myself, travelling by myself, and just generally be by myself.
Rather than wait around for someone to give me scraps of their time, I am in control of my days, and just do what I want when I want to.
When you are not desperate to form a relationship with someone else – whether platonic or romantic – people you can click with will gravitate towards you naturally.
If you focus on working on yourself and are strict with who you allow into your life, this can only elevate the quality of your life in the long run.
This is why I have few friends by choice.