If someone told me I would be moving in with my boyfriend after only dating him for two months, I would laugh at them. Six years ago, I was on the cusp of my 30s when I moved to a small town where I met a guy in a love story that started out like a Julia Roberts rom-com. Our meet cue was actually at a café serving waffles and wonderful coffee and had nooks stuffed with quirky antiques. There was a beat-up VW Beetle parked outside its vintage-y faded walls. Dammit, tell me that Julia wouldn’t feel at home here.
Mo was the first and last brown guy I’d dated. I remember not being able to place his accent (Singaporean with a touch of an international school in the Middle East) or racial makeup (Jewish-Malay-Ceylonese) when we talked the first time. He was one of the early customers at the café where I was working, and he quickly became a regular. He claims that he kept coming back because of the coffee and ultra-fast Wi-Fi but come on, who’s buying that story?
The progression
Our friendship developed into a romantic one pretty fast. Within a week of meeting, we were seeing each other every day. At the time, my living conditions mainly consisted of a windowless storeroom on the café grounds where I could only shower before 7 am and after 7 pm when we were closed.
A big-city girl who came to live in a small town, I was adamant that I was not going to move in with a guy I’d just started dating even though sleeping in a room that wasn’t a shoebox was very tempting. Not to mention, I longed to walk from the bathroom to the room instead of running in fear of someone seeing me in a towel. I can’t tell you how much I disliked getting dressed while damp in the bathroom right after a shower, only so I could walk to my shoebox just to take my clothes off again.
How the ‘moving in’ with my boyfriend happened
One night, I climbed over the pretty brick walls (inebriated, lost the key to the café’s rustic reclaimed wood gate) and landed wrongly. In that minute, my ankle caved. Through my tears of agony, I thought, ‘Ah, this is the cankle that people speak of!’ and it made me cry even more. Needless to say, Mo swooped in like a brown knight in shining armour and insisted that I live my recuperation days at his place.
In those days of invalidity, I was treated like a true queen for the first time in my dating history. Because I couldn’t walk without crutches, I had ice cream brought to me, and I never had to think about dinner. I entertained the idea of making this a long-term situation, but when the subject of moving in together was broached, my sensibilities said no. It was too soon. We didn’t know if this would work out. My friends hadn’t even met him yet. My parents didn’t know he existed. What about pets? We hadn’t discussed that part. The answer was no.
In the midst of mulling, I caught up with an old friend. I told him I was seeing someone who actually asked me to move in. “Isn’t that just the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard?” I asked. This gem of a friend looked at me blankly and said, “Why not? What’s the worst that can happen? You break up, and one of you moves out. No big deal.”
I truly enjoyed the past month of servitude and being showered with love. Wouldn’t it be nice if that could continue? And my friend was right – what’s the worst that could happen? So I went back to Mo and said yes to moving in with him.
We survived moving in. What next?
As any long-suffering housemate will tell you, living with someone is a true test of the relationship. Does the person replenish the ice maker when it’s empty? Are there used cups languishing around the house, crying to be washed? Who cleans the toilet, and at what frequency? To avoid developing a bad wine habit, be sure to iron out these details before duplicating the house keys.
Well, Mo and I skipped all that. I picked up many life lessons in those days, like how to unclog pipes, clear gutters, and drill holes because my housemate turned out not to be handy in that department – info that you can’t normally glean from knowing someone for just two months. Thanks to him, I also learnt the bliss of eating McDonald’s and the art of watching TV or, even better, eating McDonald’s while watching TV. As for Mo, he quickly adapted to our home being turned into a mini animal shelter. Despite never owning a pet before, he has never complained one bit until today.
Yes, six years later and the who-does-the-laundry arguments are still ongoing. The only difference now is that we are married with five pets and a steady stream of strays coming through our halfway home for animals. My real advice for anyone who’s thinking about moving in with someone is this: There will be things that you’ll never know about your partner until you live together and vice versa. The pettiest disagreement that you’ve had with a sibling? You’ll have more, pettier arguments with your live-in partner. But if you find that you can tolerate behaviour you never knew existed – like lying in bed with outside clothes on (what kind of monster does this?!) – then you’ve probably got yourself a keeper.
4 Signs You Are Ready to Move in Together
Commuting to one another seems to be a problem, especially during the corona time, so spending time apart can feel unbearable. And if you can’t survive the night without talking to your significant other, you might be thinking moving in together is the key to a long-lasting relationship. However, don’t be blinded by love, you might or might not be ready for this big next step.
Moving in together has many benefits, but making this decision with a clear mind will only result in a stronger bond you share with your loved one. After all, you wouldn’t want to put so much effort and energy into settling down with someone just to realize you are not a good match after a few months.
Let me show you the signs that clearly show you can consciously make up your mind and are ready to take your relationship to the next level.
You’ve Had Open Communication
Moving in together is a mutual decision, and it shouldn’t be forced on you or your partner. Discussing the intricates of moving home shouldn’t last for only a day. Think about it – you are taking all your belongings to a different place and adjusting to it just to find out that it wasn’t a good idea after all. That is why you should openly talk about where you plan to live, whether it is your, your partner’s place, or a totally different apartment. Ideally, it is best to rent an apartment that is new to both of you and start living there and creating your mutual home together.
However, if finding a totally new place is difficult or out of your budget, make sure to sort out things you can take and donate the remaining. Another thing to remember is not to move in together simply for financial benefits. It is obviously a big burden off your shoulders paying for one set of utility bills; however, you should back up your decision with confidence rather than reasons to save money.
You’ve Stayed Together for a Few Nights in a Row
Starting a life together is very romantic but can eventually result in arguments and fights. To avoid them, you want to have a trial run of cohabitation for a few days in a row. What is a better way to learn how it feels or what problems may arise in the near future? Even if you protest by saying you meet your partner every day – believe me, living together is a totally different experience. In your own personal space, you can have alone time, but where will you find it when living together? That is why, if you have this chance, temporarily merge your households and see how it goes.
Your Routines Are Aligned
Spending quality time together is a priority to establish a meaningful relationship with your partner. However, it can be challenging if your working shifts or busy schedules differ and you rarely meet. Thinking that living together may fix it is a mistake. First of all, you still would continue working different shifts. Secondly, you may even disturb each other by making noise early in the morning or evening. This may deteriorate your well-being. So make sure to bring this topic up and see what you can do to make your life together better.
You’ve Had the Money Talk
I don’t think anybody likes talking about money but, unfortunately, it is another secret to a better life together. You see, both of you should reveal all secrets about having a credit card debt or a mortgage, and so on. Learning about it later can hurt your partner. Another financial responsibility you will share is paying for needs, for example, household expenses. Don’t expect it to be resolved in the process; there can be factors that you or he disagree on.
Tips for Couples Taking the Big Next Step
When living together, many couples encounter daily problems that can be averted provided you know how to react to your partner’s annoying habits or adjust your own needs and wants. Regardless of living in your or your partner’s place, you most likely will rent the flat and need to divide financial responsibilities. Moreover, living together means you need to compromise and cannot stick to your routine but rather adjust to your partner’s lifestyle, too.
No need to fret – I am here to help you and share tips that will make your life problem-free and help you create the synergy that is so important for couples.
Create a Budget
Since you will have shared space, you might even consider opening a joint account. If that is too early for you, consider creating a budget. This will help you divide the responsibilities and establish fair rules of how much and when you pay. This might be the most pleasant activity, but saved money you leave for the future can be spent on mutual interests.
Share the Household Chores
Simply because you share living space, it doesn’t mean you have to perform all of the household tasks. Moving in together means sharing, helping each other, and starting a family. A healthy relationship that should be supported by both partners.
Set Boundaries
To have a healthy relationship, you should discuss boundaries about checking each other’s social media or even little things like selling or throwing belonging in your partner’s or your own space. Another aspect worth discussing is when you plan to purchase a property prior to marriage, you can sign a cohabitation agreement. This is a safety net in case of an unfortunate end of the relationship.
In Conclusion
After a romantic date night and a few weeks of being together, all of us would start dreaming of a perfect life together. Bringing you back to reality, we are all different and it takes time to find your true soulmate. If you are unsure about moving in together but still decide to try it, make sure to have an exit plan. But if you have compared all pros and cons, then why not? If you’re both on the same page in the Book Of Commitment, I say go for it. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?
