We all have a special bond with our mothers. She’s our first contact with the world, our comforter and protector. Disciplinarian and nurturer. Our biggest cheerleader and harshest critic.
Yet as we grow older, our relationships with our mothers evolve. For some, she becomes our best friend. For others, there are just some things about ourselves that are TMI, so you feel better off having a best friend (not your mum) to confide in.
Whichever side of the fence you’re on, it’s totally cool! Each of our relationships with our mothers is unique, yet special in every way.
If your mum is your best friend…
Being your mum means she knows you best, so you don’t have to search far for a best friend. For me, my mom knows exactly the right kind of advice I need when I run into relationship troubles because we share the same values.
And she understands my needs, even without me having to voice them out. When I need a bit of alone time, she’ll know to give me space, but will always be right there too when I need a friend to hang out and have fun with.
Whether it’s boy trouble, catty fights, or workplace drama, my mum’s always been my most loyal sidekick. She’ll lend a listening ear, give her brutally honest opinion or commiserate with me.
Having her as my best friend also means being able to share anything with her, even though some of my friends find that weird. However, things can get complicated when she gets too involved in my life because of oversharing. My advice? Be upfront with her when you just need a listening ear or when you need actual advice. It creates healthier boundaries and better communication.
If she’s not your best friend…
I get it that sometimes your mother is simply your parent. You love your mum, yes, but that doesn’t mean she has to be your BFF. After all, there are some things about yourself that your mother just won’t understand like your best friend can.
Like showing your mum a meme, only to have her ask “But whose cat is that?”. Being from different generations may make it difficult for you to relate to your mom and vice versa.
Perhaps she doesn’t understand that your dreams differ from hers. As social norms have vastly changed from “her time”, your mother may not always agree with you when it comes to adulting.
Many people I know fall into this category, and many actively keep information from their moms. While open communication is ideal, sometimes strict boundaries are necessary. For example, if talking about sex is taboo in your family, or there are some values that you guys just can’t get aligned on, it may be healthier to keep things to yourself for the sake of your relationship. And you don’t have to beat yourself up if your relationship with your mum isn’t #goals.
Mother-daughter relationships are often tricky, complicated and intricate. Some of us get to keep our mothers, some lose them, and while some find new ones, others may be grieving old ones… So whether your mum is your best friend or not, you will always hold a special place in each other’s hearts.