I was having drinks with a few girlfriends last week when we got on to the topic of sexting. I was a little surprised to know that out of the five of us, only two of us sext with our partners. The other girls were curious, but at the same time bashful when it came to sexting. They had questions like: Will my partner like it? Do I have to send nudes? What do I say in a sext?

Whether it’s between you and a partner or someone you’ve just matched on Tinder, sexting can be a great element in keeping things spicy. Imagine receiving a text in the middle of a workday: “I can’t stop thinking about how you look in your wet underwear.” Tell me that that doesn’t immediately set your loins on fire! But… how do you even start to begin?

As they say, the first step is always the hardest and that could not ring more true when it comes to sending sexy texts for the first time. Bonus awkward points if you’ve been with someone for a long time and are planning to pop that sext cherry. So before you send out “I WANT TO SIT ON YOUR FACE” to your intended recipient, here’s a handy little guide (with examples!) to help you ease into the art of sexting.



Calibrate your tone

Certain words may turn you on but does your partner feel the same? Use language that you’re both comfortable with because, after all, sexting is meant to be hot for the both of you. If referring to each other’s body parts with emojis get you both excited, then who’s to judge! Unsure? Here are some ways you can use to gauge.

I really really want to ____ you so hard tonight. Does this turn you on?

What word do you find hot when describing my ___?

I want you to tell me exactly what you want to do to me tonight.

Image: Pexels/ Cottonbro

Bring up the past

Dig into the archives of your memories, pick a particularly thirsty one of the both of you and then launch it in a text.

I getting horny thinking about the first time we ______. 

Remember the time you made me come so hard when you _____?

Did you like it when I ______?

I’m imagining how you _______ last night.


Bring on the future

Surely there are things that you would like to do/be done on to you? Let your creative juices flow with this one.

Can’t wait to see you later and feel your mouth on my ____.

You know what I’ve always wanted to try? ______.

Tonight, I want you to ______.

Let’s just stay in and make each other come all night long.



Ask, ask, ask

A surefire way to get both of you hot and heavy is to know what your partner likes too.

I want to know what you’d like me to do that will make you come hard.

What’s a fantasy that you’ve always wanted to try?

Do you like it when I wear ____?

Tell me everything you want to do to me later.



Give a little, and let their imagination do the rest. 

I’m wearing those _____ that you like.

I just watched a really hot scene in a movie and it’s making me horny.

I’m touching myself thinking about _____.

I want you here so bad right now.




Sending nudes is definitely not for the uninitiated. If you do feel tempted to send one out, it is extremely important that you first set the ground rules. Do you want the picture to be deleted after a period of time? Is the recipient allowed to save the picture in the cloud? The Internet is forever, so be clear with your stance on suggestive personal pictures.


Are you ready to start sexting?

Personally, I think that sending sexy texts is an incredibly effective way to keep a relationship robust, be it an LDR or even as something cheeky to get you through a dull day. When you start sexting for the first time, you’ll find yourself losing your inhibition quickly as you get drawn into the salaciousness of it all. Provided, of course, that you do it safely. The key is to only sext with someone you trust. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner if you’re uncomfortable with something e.g. sending nudes, over-explicit language. Remember, sexting doesn’t have to be vulgar for it to be sexy.

With this, go forth and sext with confidence!